Unknown
by lovestar29
Summary: Albus Potter was different. He wasn't normal.


"Nothing makes us as lonely as our Secrets." - Paul Tournier

Albus hates blue.

* * *

I always knew that I wasn't normal. I mean, how could a child of nine enjoy watching people suicide or murdered? It all started on my ninth birthday.

Mum was cleaning outside and preparing everything was perfect and ready for the party. Dad and James were playing a one on one seeker game out on the hidden fields of where we lived. Lily was inside the house watching some stupid show on the telly waiting for our Uncles and Aunts and cousins to arrive.

I on the other hand, was walking around. I didn't even know it was my birthday until after it happened. From where I was, a couple stood a foot away from me. Now I know that I shouldn't watch or listen to anything that doesn't concern my buisness but, I was curious about what the two were saying.

That's what killed me.

They looked to be in a very heated discussion like mum and dad get when they angry at each other. It spelled trouble and I was going to turn back around and run back to my home where it was all safe. I should have ran.

That's when it happened.

The lady was young, about twenty I think. The memories are too blurry to remember. She harshly pushed the man who looked older than her by thirty years, she was calling him a filthy lying bastard and names like that. The old man looked like a tomatoe that was about to explode and squirt red juice everywhere. He did end up with red later on. He looked about to cut off the young lady but, then he saw me and he just stared at me. I stayed rooted to where I was, no matter how hard I tried to move I only continued to stare.

The young lady was still screaming at the older man, I could tell she was getting angrier with the fact that he wasn't listening to anything she was saying. His gaze was only on me, he stared at me like I was the one who held all the answers to the universe. I don't remember moving but, next thing I know I'm right behind the young lady. He stared at me straight to the eyes, "Things like this are wrong. Things like this you can't take back." And you know what he did next?

He shot the young lady.

Just like that, he took out his gun like the ones from the movies and brought it to where her heart was. The young lady wasn't even able to react, everything happened so fast. I heard him repeating the same words he had told me earlier, before he killed her. "Things like this are wrong, things like this you can't take back."  
Over and over again he said the same thing. I was too stunned to move or speak, let alone scream. I could hear the grown up's from my family rushing over.

They were all screaming at me to run and get away, to come back to them. I heard the sirens of the police and ambulance. I could hear the neighbors coming out of their warm safe houses to see what the commotion was. The old man had brilliant blue eyes, they were so haunted, I think that was the moment that blue became the ugliest color I had ever seen. How could a color so pure and crystal become something so ugly and haunted?

The older man neared me, I remember my body going numb. No emotion was left inside me, I felt dead in the inside. The crazy thing about all of it was that I wasn't afarid, I wasn't brave either mind you, I guess I was already mad by that time. My parents were still screaming at me, they were closer now though. The police would show up any moment with the ambulance, people all around me were cyring and screaming.

He pointed the gun at me, the cool, black hole pointed at one of my most important organs, my brain. He kneeled in front of me, his breathe stank of cigarettes, now that I look back I started hating those stupid muggle sticks in that moment too. The police were here, they kept demanding the old man to put the gun down and to let me go.

He didn't, he never did. When he spoke his voice was so quiet, so breathless against my ear. "They say the heart is filled with love right? What happens when that love is gone though?"

More police, more shouting.

"You're filled with numbnes and hatred."

Mum is crying now, Dad is screaming and losing control of his magic.

"If you ever want to kill kid, shoot the person in the head. Not the heart. Never the heart."

The wind is blowing harder, rain will drop from the sky any second now.

In a small voice that the wind steals I ask, "Why?"

Dad and Uncle Ron are in hysterics now, the gun is still pointed to my head. I think any moment now they'll both lose control of their magic.

The old man laughs, a small deep rumble from his chest, "Because when loves gone, your hearts dead,"

He took the gun away from where it was pointed at my head, he had tears falling from his face. I didn't even notice he was crying. The police all have guns pointed at him, ready to shot if he touches me. But it doesn't matter, none of it matters. I know what's going to happen now, what's going to happen next. I know.

He pulls the trigger and in a second those haunting blue eyes are even deeper than before. And you know what it was that finally cracked me and fear filled my chest?  
It was his eyes. They held no difference than when he was alive or when he was dead. The same, before and after.

They were still a haunting, pure blue, that creeps into my nightmares at night while I'm asleep.

Was it bad that I enjoyed the man suffering because he couldn't love?

When I first met Scorpius Malfoy I was sitting with Rose in a compartment going to Hogwarts. The first thing I noticed about him were his silver eyes. They were shining with laughter and happiness. He was nice to both my cousin Rose and me.

I fell in love with him at first sight.

After the incident Mum and Dad took me to . The whole time we traveled there I didn't speak at all, only staring at the blankness in my mind and the white walls of the hospital. People ran around the place, nurses looking for healers, patients being rushed out the way because Harry Potter's son is in danger. Sick, all of them are sick.

 _Things like this are wrong, things like this you can't take make._

They called me in and brought me into another room with blank walls just like my mind. They examined me and didn't find anything physically wrong with me. The Healer asked me a bunch of idiotic questions to which I ignored. The blue, haunted eyes now filling the corners of my mind.

 _They say the heart is filled with love right? What happens when that love is gone though?_

I heard the Healer whisper to my parents that I should go and meet a Mind Healer. Stupid healer, he knows that I can still hear him right? I saw Mum crying, she's an ugly crier, her whole face gets blotchy and red, her nose wrinkles and is stained red. Her blue eyes are rimmed with red. I hate her eyes, there too blue like his.  
Dad was just pale, nothing new about that. You tell him something he doesn't like and al his blood rushes from his body to who knows where.

 _You're filled with numbness and hatred._

They eventually took me to see a Mind Healer after they had finished talking with my parents. I paid no attention, my mind still stuck with words I don't understand and blue eyes. The Mind Healer looked nice, she had a small body and frail yellow skin. Her eyes were blue though, I hated her, she was ugly. I told her and her eyebrows shot up to her wide forehead while Mum and Dad gasped and scowled at me.

 _If you ever want to kill kid, shoot the person in the head. Not the hearts. Never the heart._

After kicking my parents out she studied me, I studied her head. Would her brain explode like his? She asked me how I was feeling. I stared into her blue eyes. They weren't like his though, she had hints of browns and greens. Still they were blue, I hated her.

 _Because when loves gone, your hearts dead._

Her blue eyes were filled with concern. She asked me the question again.

"I don't know. How would you feel?"

I think she expected me to say that nothing was wrong with me, that I was okay or scared. I'm not. I don't know anymore.

 _Things like this are wrong, things like that you can't take back._

Both Scorpius and me were sorted into Slytherin and Rose was put into Ravenclaw. I was glad she wasn't near us, the whole time on the train she wouldn't stop giggling at everything he said, which was quite annoying and so not Rose like. We were laying down side by side that first night, whispering about how our childhood was. I didn't tell Scorpius about the old man or the lady. I never did. That was my secret. I've never told anyone what he said to me.

I would hate it when my parents would explain the incident and the people would pity me. They never said it but, i could see it in their eyes. I didn't want Scorpius to look at me that way or act careful around me. I kept it hidden from everyone for a long time.

We ended up sleeping on his bed Scorpius fell asleep first, I stayed awake a bit longer. The blue haunting eyes filling the darkness of the room. Somehow we both were holding hands and Scorpius soft snores gentled me into a dreamless sleep for the first time. My heart swelled with love, how can an eleven year old know what and how to love someone, you ask?

It's simple. My heart was still alive.

The Mind Healer told my parents that I would need to see her regurlarly, she said I suffered something about PSTD. Well no duh, I just saw a women get killed and a man that told me a bunch of things I don't understand. What did they expect? That I would be all normal about it? I'm not normal, I know I'm not. She told them both that I wasn't going to talk, that I would be all quiet and numb. Who does she think I am, some weakling?

But I proved them all wrong when I asked them about my birthday party. Mum looked at me for a few seconds and then told that she cancled it because my 'emotions were running high'. Of course I got angry, how dare they make my birthday even more miserable and lamenting than it already is?

That was the first time I had performed magic. Dad tried calming me down by telling me I had gone through too much for a day. That did it. I knew that I had gone already through too much, it wasn't fair that I couldn't celebrate my date of birth because of what happened. My magic threw my Dad to the wall. He groaned in pain and I saw blood trickling down his forehead.

Blood, so much of it everywhere. So much spills from his head.

Mum screamed, it's all she does now. James and Lily were crying, scared of me. All of them were looking at me, even Dad. There eyes huge with fear and shock. I was angry, how could they ruin me more by walking out?

Am I a bad person for not regretting his pain?

We were the best of mates. Joined to the hip, so rare to not see us together it was. Scorpius would hang around with me while I would show him the hidden passages ways of Hogwarts. I would take him to the lake and we would hide behind one of the bushes to do homework. We would sometimes go to a hidden corner in the library sitting back to back reading, I would read mystery, he would read history.

Sometime Rose would tag along, but I hated it. All she would do was boss me around and lecture me that I could get expelled for sneaking around the castle. I would argue back by pointing out that both of our parents did it back when they were our age. Of course, then Scorpius would side with her and she would use him against me. He would do anything and everything she said, like a little baby. What kind of Malfoy was he?

That was our first argument we had with each other. Rose was accusing me telling me I would end them all up in detention. I told her that she didn't have to come along, she could always go back to her tower and leave me and Scorpius be. Rose looked at Scorpius and he sided with her, telling me she was right and that we shouldn't be here. I told him that he could be with his stupid half blood girlfriend and I ran away.

I hid in a small room that was down in the dungeons. It was the only place that I hadn't showed Scorpius, I'm glad I didn't. The room had a small window that looked out into the dark, deep part of the lake. A small torched burned light in the middle wall, the window was made so that you could sit and stare out to the creatures of the lake. I had a silver pillow on it and a silky blanket on the window seat. There were pictures of me when I was younger, when I was still normal. Below the torch there was words that were conjured there.

It was the same ones that the old man told me.

"Things like this are wrong, things like that you can't take back."

I stayed there, thinking about blue eyes, about blood, about Scopius. It was dark when I left, I went to apologize to both Rose and Scorpius. They forgave me; good, it was the least they could for always being against me. Scorpius didn't speak to me, he kept his distance from me for a whole week. He finally spoke to me on a Sunday, we both came into a silent agreement to forget what happened.

I still hate Rose, that's why I'm here. It's all her fault.

After my burst of accidental magic I was taken into an insitute because I could explode again and hurt someone. Not my fault that they anger me for being idiots. All of them. I never forgave my parents for taking me there. It's there fault I'm like this. All of it.

The place was filled with kids all older than me. Stupid basterds would pick on me, for being small, for being young, for not being normal. That was the first time I killed someone.

His name was Riley, he was annoying always telling everyone what to do. He was one of the older kids, thats why I disliked him. If you didn't do what he wanted you to do, he would hurt you. The kids there would tell me he would dump them outside and then beat you. He was a coward. I had been there for about three weeks when he approached me and he told me to come over with him.

He was fifteen, he had brown hair and he looked like he worked out. All tough outside, a coward inside. His eyes were blue just like the old man. They weren't crystal blue, they had too much green. Still they were blue. I hated him. He took me to the back of the place into a dark, dingy room. We were alone, just the two of us, none of his henchmen with him. There was a small candle placed in the middle of the room, floating about in the air. He pushed me to my knees and he unbuttoned his jeans.

He told me to suck him.

I don't really remember much of what happened, all I know is that I wished for him to burn. The candle that was floating grew it's fire, and it fell over him. It ate him, consumed him from the inside out. His screams filled my ears, his body burning smelling like burned flesh. He burned into nothing because that was what he was.  
Nothing.

Am I going to hell for laughing at his dead body?

It happened at a party. The whole Slytherin house was celebrating the victory for winning the Quidditch cup. I was in my fourth year and all the house mates were gathered in the common room laughing in the spirit of victory. The team was retelling the whole game against Gryffindor and people were smiling for winning after so many years.

The older students had sneaked in some Firewhiskey and they were passing it to everyone. I didn't accept any but, I could see Scorpius drinking cup after cup celebrating for catching the snitch. When the party was over the common room was empty except for me and Scorpius. He was talking drunk, not understanding half of what he was saying and then he was suddenly leaning closer to me, his eyes glued to my mouth.

That was my first kiss, I was saving it for him. His hands were everywhere touching every bare part of my skin. His mouth drenched with the alchohol from the party.  
It was messy and sloppy, too much teeth, too much spit because he was too drunk to know what he was doing. His hand roamed down to my trousers and I pulled him closer flesh to flesh. His lips gave way to my neck and my hands groping his arse, both of us moaning enjoying the moment.

It was beautiful. It was perfect. I loved him more than I've ever loved anything in that moment. I didn't care if he was drunk. I didn't care if he wouldn't remember anything of what happened tonight. Because I would remember every detail of it until my death.

It was around three in the morning when we finally stopped kissing and exploring each other. Scorpius had his head laying peacfully on my chest, his loud snores keeping me awake. I got up from the couch we were on and carried him back into our dormitory and tucked him into his bed. Satisfied with him being there sleeping I made my way back to the common room. I didn't want the magic to end, I wanted the fantasy of my dream to still beat and prove to me that it was all real. It was silent there, no sounds just the green of the fire cackling in the silence. I heard a squeak of footsteps and I turned to the sound fast.

Daniel Zabini was standing there in the far corner of the room. His eyes wide and I panicked. Did he see anything? How long has he been there? Is he going to tell?

He walked over to me and I stood up. His face was masked into disgust, mine was masked with indifference. "You're a freak Potter. I always knew you weren't normal. I bet you that Scorpius won't remember anything about tonight. He'll wake up with a headache, his mind not remembering anything of what you did Potter. But I am going to tell him. Because you're a disgusting fag Potter for taking advantage of him like that"

I killed him too.

It was much easier this time instead from the last one. For one thing I now had a wand that gave the advantage of killing him here. I used a Silencing spell so that no one would hear him and I disarmed him to make him a better prey. He screamed and yelled for help, but it was no use no one would come. It was easy to kill him.

During break I went over to Scorpius house and borrowed some of the books from the library. They were all dark magic and they came in handy many times, the best thing was that some of them couldn't be traced back to the user of the spell.

I used one from the book to do it. He was begging me to not do anything, that he wouldn't say anything. He was crying, sobbbing and shaking with fear. Good he deserved it.

 _If you ever want to kill kid, shoot the person in the head. Not the heart. Never the heart._

I forgot the spell I used when I did it, but you had to point at the mind and it would then convert the person into stone. It would first travel outside the body first and then it would sneak into the inside of your skin and turn it all into stone until it would hit you brain and it'd freeze your heart in half a beat. When it finished I used another spell to break him into tiny pieces.

The next day I sent them to his father Blaise Zabini saying that it was an anonymous gift, I turned the pieces into a flower. He bought it and kept it, I think he keeps the flower out in his garden. Idiots. All of them.

I don't regret killing Daniel. Am I a bad person for enjoying his scared face?

 _Things like this are wrong, things like that you can't take back._

When they found Riley's body, they concluded that it must have been an accident. My parents immediatly took me out thinking that I was in danger when I was the danger. They hired a private Mind Healer and did all the sessions in the house instead. The healer had blue eyes, like the old man. Too much brown, but still blue. I hated him. He asked me how I was, I would tell him the same thing I told the first Mind Healer.

"I don't know. How would you feel?"

They all they gave me the same looks. The same stupid, senseless questions. I sometimes blame the Healers for what happened to me. For how I am now. For where I am now.

At night my Dad would watch after me, he would lay down next to me and embrace me into a hug, plluing me closer to him. He'd soothe my mind, sometimes blocking out the old man's voice. But the words never go away. They still don't. They're always there.

 _They say the heart is filled with love? What happens when all that love is gone though?_

I feel lonely in those moments. Where they all come and visit me. Dad's there with Mum, James and Teddy, Lily and all of our cousins. My Uncles and Aunts. It hurts more when Scorpius comes with Rose.

I hate them all. All of them. They ruined me, it's all their fault.

Am I a bad person for wishing they would all die?

The death of Daniel Zabini was a huge deal at Hogwarts. Although the Auror never found his body the new spells that the Ministry had invented responded that Daniel was indeed dead.

I should know. I killed him.

Scorpius was sad about his death. At night I would lay by his side and comfort him, telling him that it would all be okay. I knew that they were close friends since their childhood and it did make me feel guilty. But, then I would remember what he said that night to me and it would all go away. It always does, it never stays.

I would do anything and everything for Scorpius, I love him with all my heart. I can't possibly think about not living with him. It's on nights like this, laying side by side and holding each other that I wish I could tell him that I love him. To reach close to his ear and whisper it softly. Kiss his body slowly and explore every inch of that beautiful pale skin, cover his lips with mine. Show him how much I care and love for him.

Scorpius is the one person that keeps me sane from the old man's voice that chases me everywhere in life. He's the one that can make me feel normal again.

Well, sometimes.

 _You're filled with numbness and hatred._

The Healers really did try to help me. They just found the solution much too late, I was already worse by that time. I wish they had found it earlier; that way I wouldn't have to see these weird ladies everyday that keep giving me potion after potion.

Week after week I was taken to the Mind Healer and nothing would change. I would still answer the same thing when they asked me how I was doing, "I don't know. How do would feel?" They would all come up with the same thing and give me more potions to help me. None of them would work, in fact I think they just worsened the problem.

That was until I left for Hogwarts and I met Scorpius, I really did think that maybe being with magic and Scorpius there that I'd get better. That I would forget and walk on, not looking back to what happened with the old man that day. It didn't work though, the Hogwarts Express was red for one. And I hate red. Red means blood, and that's what would spill from the old man.

 _If you ever want to kill kid, shoot the head. Not the heart. Never the heart._

I was so wrong when I dreamt that it would cure me from all of it. I became worse.

 _Things like this are wrong, things like that you can't take back._

When I caught them I was in my seventh year. I think I died that day.

It was my birthday and the old man's voice words wouldn't go away from my mind. They just kept repeating themselves making me feel agitated and hopeless.

 _Things like this are wrong, things like that you can't take back._

I decided that maybe since something so tragic had happened on my birthday that maybe I could change that day into something much more memorable in a good way. I deserve it after all the bad that has happened in my life.

That day I got off my bed in the best mood I had ever been in probably my whole life. I put on my black trousers and my silky green buttoned down accompanied with my leather black boots. I styled my hair in that way that people would compliment me. Today I was going to confess my love to Scorpius Malfoy. All day people could see my confindence, they would smile at me and ask what was going to happen today. I'd just smile back at them.

 _They say the heart is filled with love, right? What happens when that love is gone though?_

I waited for Scorpius to come down to breakfast but, he never came. The Ravenclaw table didn't have Rose either. I should have known then what it all meant. Why neither of them went down to breakfast or were seen.

It was late already, I couldn't find either of them anywhere. I searched the whole castle even my secret room but, to no avail. I was starting to get irritated, stupid Scorpius was probably running after her like some stupid lost puppy. He always did it, always putting her first instead of me.

I hate Rose. I hate Scorpius. I hate them all. It's all their fault.

 _You're filled with numbness and hatred._

I see them everyday, they all throw me looks of pity now. It's worse than before because now they all know. I can't look at them without seeing the lament and sadness that carries in their eyes every time they come.

I fucking hate them all. They should all fucking die for putting me into this shit. Die like the stupid lying bitches they fucking are.

It's all their fault. I hate Rose.

I'm not bad for coming up with ways to kill them all, right?

 _Because when loves gone, your hearts dead._

I found them in the Room of Requirment.

They were having sex. Moaning, screaming, and begging for more.

"Harder Scorp, please!"

 _Things like this are wrong, things like that you can't take back._

I yelled at them. They startled and looked at me just staring, doing nothing. Scorpius shuffled off the bed, shoving his clothes back on. He tries apologizing to me.  
Rose was quietly putting her clothes on, her face a crimson color probably from being embaressed. She deserves it the fucking slut.

"Some fucking friends you lot are!"

 _They say the heart is filled with love, right? What happens when that love is gone though?_

I am not a bad person for burning the room.

The rooms here are white. There is no color anywhere, they keep me here locked up like an animal. I were ugly grey clothes. I hate grey. They are too loose and make me look too scrawny. There's nothing to do excpet sit on the bed and stare at blank walls. I hate it here.

Mum and Dad came today, they were both crying. I've never seen Dad cry before, he looks the same. Not ugly like Mum, with her blue eyes that I hate. They kept apologizing to me saying they were both sorry. For what, I don't know. I don't care about what they say anymore.

I hate them both.

Mum hugged me, I let her. Dad squeezed my shoulder, it didn't make me feel better. Then they walked away, out the door.

They always do. Never did they try and help me. Everyone walks out except for the old man.

I am not a bad person for cutting my father the next time he came.

Scorpius ran after me, he chased me outside. Rose went to the hospital wing. Teachers were trying to tame the fire and burn it out into nothing, but none of it worked.

He finally caught up to me, he pushed me to the soft grass and he was crying. Good. He deserves it for making me feel this way, for leading me on into a path that had a dead end.

All those fucking nights we slept together and talked about our lives until dawn.

 _Because when loves gone, your hearts dead._

I'm tied up now, my wrist and legs strapped into the bed. "For my own good," they say; "Fuck off," I tell them.

It's all his fucking fault.

James came today, he was alone thank Merlin. He asked me how I was.

"I don't know. How would you feel?"

He stayed quiet, looking at the opposite wall. I wonder what he see's there, I can't see anything except blank walls. He turned to look at him, I wish he had stayed looking at the wall. Pity is written in his brown eyes. He said something, but I was too angered with his stupid pity. He can go shove it up his arse.

I am not bad for sticking my foot in his arse.

Scorpius is sobbing, we're at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. I hope the monsters lurking in there come and eat him. He deserves it. All of it.

He's trying to justify himself. I hate him. I hate Rose. I hate all of them.

I try twisting away from him, but he grabs onto my elbows to the point that I know they'll have bruises later on. His grip is harsh, his face is streaked with tears,  
his cheeks flushed and his grey eyes surrounded by red lines. His white-blonde hair is a mess, clothes all wrinkled up.

Why? I hate Scorpius.

All those shitty, pathetic nights holding hands with him, laughing at nothing and everything.

 _Things like this are wrong, things like that you can't take back._

Rose came with Scorpius today. I didn't look at either of them. They did try to get my attention and make me listen to their sorry excuses.

I told them to fuck themsleves behind my back again.

Rose got angry. She always gets angry, it's annoying. Scorpius just cried. He always cries, like the coward he is.

I hate Rose. I hate Scorpius. I hate them all. It's all their fault. All of it.

I'm not a bad person for chocking Rose.

The sun is setting, stars slowly start to descend into the night sky. The air is cool and crisp for April.

Scorpius is hanging onto me like his life depends on it. It does, I killed to protect his and my secret and he fucking pays me back like this? He does this behind my back?

All those times I whispered good night and he'd kiss my forehead wishing me the same. What was that? Nothing?

 _They say the heart is filled with love, right? What happens when that love is gone though?_

They don't allow them inside the white room anymore. I'm glad. All they fucking did was ask the same bullshit questions and say how sorry they are. Complaing that none of this was fair, that I shouldn't be here. Well, yeah life isn't fucking fair, it's all their fault I'm here.

Sorry won't fucking fix anything!

There's a window next to the door, I can see people walk by and they can see me. They all give me the same look. Pity. When they come to visit they wave hello from their. I tell them where to shove it.

I hate them all. All of them. It's all their fault.

I am not a wrong person for poisoning my Healer.

"Al! Alby! Albus stop! Listen to me, why the fuck are you reacting like this?! I thought you knew! What did Rose ever do to you?!"

I hate Rose. I hate Scorpius.

What a fucking hypocrite! Why I'm like this? I knew? What she did? Fuck you Malfoy! That's what she fucking did, the fucking piece of shit she is.

All those times we hugged each other and kiss our good mornings! What the fuck was that?

 _You're filled with numbness and hatred._

Mum looked at me with shocked eyes. Why is she so worried? It isn't the first time I kill. I've lost count, that's how many lives I've taken.

I'm going to trial for it though. I could care less about it, they can go fuck themsleves for all I care.

Dad's disappointed gaze doesn't work on me anymore. Lily's and James red, puffy eyes give me no regrets, stop crying I tell them don't be babies. Ugh, Rose. I wish I could kill her. I tell her, Aurors surround her to protect I guess. My Uncles and Aunts pleas just disgust me, I sneer at them. Scorpius pale, fearful face doesn't stir gulit in me anymore. I tell him; I'm proud of it, he's disgusted about it. Pathetic.

I am not a bad person for killing every single Auror.

"You want to know the fucking truth?! Yes?! Is that what you want Malfoy, you good for nothing, selfish, lying bastard?!"

The sun is gone, replaced with the dark, night sky. It's colder than before, I think because I'm shaking. Or is that Scorpius? Is it just me?

All those tears you would shed when the person you liked rejected you. And I would pick up every fucking piece they broke to fix it all using my OWN fucking pieces! I would end up with much less just to save yours!

I hate him.

 _If you ever want to kill kid, shoot the person in the head. Not the heart. Never the heart._

I was sentenced a Dementers kiss. I didn't even know those creatures still exsisted. I wish it was Scorpius who would kiss me instead, he already sucked the soul out of my body anyways.

They put me in a cell, there's one here with me. It doesn't affect me. Why?

Because I am fucking depression. I am the black shawdow looming in life. I am fear. I am a fucking dementer.

I wasn't stuck there for long, they were planning on bringing me back to the white room. The Minister of Magic annoys me, he thinks that he can judge anyone for some stupid mistake. He didn't live my life, he doesn't know anything.

I am not a wrong person for cutting his throat open.

"Yes Al! I want to know why the fuck you're being like this! Tell me!"

It takes all my will of force to calm myself down before I do something I'll regret like hurting him. I can't hurt him. Not yet. He still doesn't know why.

He should.

All those memories of us being best mates and telling secrets in the dark. Those moments were he would drink his Firewhiskey and I'd smoke those stupid muggle sticks that I fucking hate. Did they not mean anything to him?

 _Because when loves gone, your hearts dead._

Everyone was staring at me today, again. The whole lot of them, standing there huddled as if they could protect themsleves against me or whatever it was that shocked them so much. Is it Christmas? I ask them, they look at me with disbelief. I laugh at them. Idiots. They're all fucking idoits, thinking that I was the brave, heroic man like my pathetic excuse of Dad.

Ha! I think I've killed more than what he's seen dead, and that's a lot. Sure he may be the Master of Death, but I am the Master of Murder.

I'm wearing white clothes today, they're covered in red. The blood from the Minister still fresh oozing all over my clothing and hands. I hate red, red means blood.

I know I'm not normal. I never was.

The lady who brings me into the room and escorts my family away from me has blue eyes. Just like his, just like the old man's. I hate her. I hate Rose. All of them.  
It's all their fault. All of it, they all walked away from me.

I am not a bad person for craking the nurse skull open.

"Okay, fine! You want to fucking know. Fine!"

I hate Scorpius. I hate Rose. All of the them. It's all their fault.

"Al-"

 _Things like this are wrong, things like that you can't take back._

I think I now know what the old man meant when he said those words.

They never found the nurse body, but I told them that I killed her. Her blue eyes stayed itching my mind and triggering the old man back.

I don't remember where I put her body either.

Teddy came by, he's an Auror probably here to interogate me about her death. He ask me how I am, "I don't know. How would you feel." I pity Teddy, he needs to learn to mind his own buisness and that some things are better left on alone. I tell him that, he ask why?

I am not a bad person for ripping his eyes out.

"You know why!"

"Why Al! Tell-"

 _They say the heart is filled with love, right? What happens when that loves gone though?_

The old man was telling the truth. I never told anyone what he said to me that day. It was my secert, mine only to cherish and keep. He didn't walk away just like just like that, just like all of them. He made me remember him, scar me a memory now attached to my soul.

That's two people in less than an hour I've killed. I kinda feel sorry for Teddy, he was a nice lad. I told him about Scorpius, he thought the I had a chance with him too. Fat chance!

They keep coming, in and out that bloody door. Staring at me through the window, observing me I think. I pay them no attention, my mind staring at blank walls and silver eyes, or are they blue?

I'm not a bad person.

"Because!"

"Al just fucki-"

 _You're filled with numbness and hatred._

He was right. All I feel now is pain. Hate. Numbness. I hate Scorpius. Hate him for making me feel this way, think this way. I hate all of them. It's all their bloody fault. NOT MINE!

"Why Al, what is it tha-"

"BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU SCORPIUS!"

 _You're filled with numbness and hatred._

Today's the last day in the white room with the blank walls. They told me I was going to be staying in a dark, dirty cell now. I don't really care. I stopped caring a long time ago.

But I have a have a surprise for all of them.

I'm not a bad person for suprising them.

Scorpius stares at me. His grey pools wide. No emotion on his face. Is that how he'll look like dead?

But you know what I see when I look into his silver eyes that I fell in love with?

Pity. Fucking pity.

I hate Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy.

 _If you ever want to kill kid, shoot the person in the head. Not the heart. Never the heart._

I know why the old man shot himself on that day now.

The surprise is almost finished. I think Scorpius will like it a lot.

I heard he got married to the slut Rose.

I hate them all.

I'm not bad for hating them.

"I'm sorry Al."

 _Because when loves gone, your hearts dead._

He did it because his heart died that day. Just like mine.

I died today too.

Sometimes in the white room, when night is out and the stars sparkle and the moonlight shines through the window, I dream that I'm sane, that I'm normal.

That nothing is wrong with me, that I was cured from it. I dream that Rose and me were best friends. That me and Scorpius dated. That we got married and made a family together. That both my parents love me and never walked away from me. No blue eyes haunt me in my dreams. I'm normal.

But I know it's not true. That none of it is true. Because I'm here, in blank walls, in grey clothing. With only a too hard bed and a window where people come just to pity my exsistence. That's why I hate them. I hate Rose. I hate Scorpius. All of them. It's all their fault I'm here.

And sometimes in my dream I hear a tiny voice, so quiet in the deep corners of my mind. It sounds so familiar, whispering and chanting it over and over again. I know who it is now.

It's me. You know what it says?

"Obliviate."

Scorpius opens his mouth to say something. I don't know what it is. He never got to finish it.

 _Because when loves gone, your hearts dead._

The old man shot himself because he loved her. Because he couldn't live without her. Like I can't live without Scorpius.

 _Because when loves gone, your hearts dead._

He couldn't go on, like I can't live on.

 _Because when loves gone, our hearts dead._

Death was the better option, just like forgetting is mine.

 _Things like this are wrong, things like that you can't take back._

They're wrong all the things I did.

 _Things like this are wrong, things like this you can't take back._

I can't take anything back, it's too late.

The moon shines on Scorpius. Bathing him in pale light, glinting his eyes, he looks like a god here. He looks beautiful. I steal every glance of him I can because I won't remember.

 _Things like this are wrong, things like this you can't take back._

It's wrong, I know. I can't go back.

I meet his silver eyes. I remember the first day I met him there in the train, he looked shy but, so happy. His silver eyes I fell in love with.

I hate grey. I hate blue. I hate red. I hate muggle cigarettes. I hate magic. I hate Mum and Dad. I hate my Aunts and Uncles. I hate guns. I hate fucking Rose. I hate Scorpius. I hate them all. I hate the young lady who was murdered cold-blooded. I hate that old man. But I hate myself the most.

 _Things like this are wrong, things like this you can't take back._

It's wrong. No taking back.

I take my wand out from my sleeve where I always keep it.

 _Things like this are wrong, things like this you can't take back._

It's wrong. No taking back.

Scorpius eyes grow wide, with fear or shock I don't know. I never figure it out.

 _Things like this are wrong, things like this you can't take back._

It's wrong. No taking back.

People are running outside. They're all screaming but, I can't make out what they say.

 _Things like this are wrong, things like this you can't take back._

It's wrong. No taking back.

I never got to hear what Scorpius said.

 _Things like this are wrong, things like this you can't take back._

It's wrong. No taking back.

"I love you Scorpius Malfoy."

My wand is now fully out. I slowly point it to the head, remembering the old man's voice. But I'm not killing this time.

 _Things like this are wrong, things like this you can't take back._

It's wrong. No taking back.

People scream, they're near now. The wind blows harder, rain will drop any second now I think. It's me and the old man all over again, now just me and Scorpius.

 _Things like this are wrong, things like this you can't take back._

It's wrong. No taking back.

I'm not a bad person, am I?

In a voice so quiet, so silent that the wind takes:

"Obliviate."

* * *

A young man with pale blonde hair stands outside in the dim hallway. He comes everyday, each day hoping for good news. It never comes. Right now he has his white hand pressed against the thick, spotless window glass.

On the other side of the window is a scrawny man with messy black hair. His emerald green eyes are wide, a mad glint in them. He stares at the blank, white walls that surround him. He use to be tied up.

The blonde haired man is softly sobbing, people pass him and throw him looks of sadness. He doesn't pay them any attention. He blames himself.

 _It's all my fault_ , he whispers in his mind.

A hand squeezes his shoulder in a comforting way. He doesn't turn around or speak, his gaze on the black haired man.

The black haired man is in the middle of the white room. He is hugging himself, rocking back and forth in a fetal position. He is repeating the same words over and over again; you can't understand them but, he does. "Things like this are wrong, things like this you can't take back."

The blonde haired man's name is Scorpius. Scorpius knocks on the window carefully. The black haired man stops and looks up towards the window. For a split second Scorpius see's the person he use to be, the one he was before it all went down. But then in a flash, he thinks he imagines, it's gone. Replaced with venom and hatred that kills Scorpius. He knows he deserves it, they haunt him at night.

The black haired man runs to the window almost tripping over his bare feet. He starts punching the window and stops to lay his hand on it instead, all the while screaming nonsense. Scorpius presses his pale hand where the black haired man's hand is placed. Grey meets green.

"I love you too Al."

* * *

Scorpius hates green.

You know what the surprise was for all them?

* * *

"And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long." -Sylvia Plath

 _-Fin-_


End file.
